Butterfly
Life of a 23 year old. Just getting started? Still discovering? Confused? Scared? Undecided? Lost? Losing out in the REAL WORLD? Working too hard? Zero social life? Zero excitement? Fear for the future?
I can still remember ever so clearly on a gloomy day back in 1997, being grounded at home by my mum, sitting by the window after venting my frustration on my pillow, I told myself " how I wish I’m 10 years older now". No adults to tell me what i can and cannot do, buy whatever I want with my own money, hang out with my friends whenever I want, I bet I would be happier if I’m 23..
So how did it turn out to be? Well I’m exactly what I thought I would be. Got my degree, have a job, independent and actually having CONVERSATIONS with my mum instead of the ‘Yes Mum No Mum’ kind of communication. So I must be really happy now huh…
Frankly I still can’t quite answer that yet…somehow life just got COMPLICATED as I grow older..It’s not as simple as ‘yes you can or no you cannot’ anymore..it’s now ‘you are responsible for the things that you do’..instead of your parents bossing over your life, now there are more than 10 people who’s running your life..you pretty much answer to everyone..Yeah I do spend my own hard earned money now but I forgot about the 4 letter word when i was 13..’BILL’..what’s worst it’s always in the plural as in BILLssssss…The hanging out with friends part? HAH now i finally understood why adults like to say ‘I’ve got no time!!’
and then suddenly you realize that the independence that you were fighting so hard for is not an evil plan by your parents who’s out to make your life miserable but rather the love they have for you to protect you from the possible harm that you may face if you have that very ‘independence’. Trust becomes the world most fragile thing. You become so cautious about the things you say for walls suddenly have ears. You become so paranoid about everything, afraid that someone’s out to get you for you are a threat to national security.
All you wanna do now is RUN!! Run away from all these madness. You have the urge to retrieve and return to that comfortable cocoon which only now you have learned to appreciate. But it’s against nature for a butterfly to return to it’s cocoon
May 15th, 2007 at 2:42 am
There’s someone who once said to me, with maturity comes responsibilities. Sounds like Uncle Ben in Spiderman “With great powers comes great responsibilities”
I never knew what that mean back at my teen years. But as time goes by, so quickly, you find yourself being entangled with loads of decision makings. Many a times you’ll just feel being at crossroads after crossroads having to make choices that you might not know where the road chosen will lead you to. Then again, whatever choice we make, good or bad ones, we gotta be responsible for it, learn from it and move on.
Hope that you’ll be able to be yourself and make the choices with the feel of the heart, mind and soul. Whether it is to choose to trust that someone or not, OR, whether to spend time with love ones, friends n family or being a workaholic.